My interpersonal relationships keep changing. Some people I thought would be there have seemed to become more distant lately. I'm getting closer with people I didn't expect would want to get involved in this mess. I'm meeting new people through social network sites when I search different hashtags. That part is cool because I meet people my age with my diagnosis having the same tests done and being pumped with the same drugs. Kinda gives me that warm fuzzy feeling because I know I'm not the only one in the world who has to deal with this crap.
*Shit is about to get real* For the first time in a loooong time I found myself wanting to cry for almost no reason at all. It sucked and it happened twice in the last 4 days. Thank God for mood altering drugs (don't worry, they're all prescribed to me). As I write this, I'm about 17 hours from finding out where the cancer is and what the treatment is going to be. If any of my co-workers are reading this I want to apologize in advance for my lack of focus Tuesday morning. I never want to use my disease as an excuse, but sometimes it's going to require more of my attention than other things I'm doing.
I hope the people I thought would be there for me come around and prove me right. When everything gets real, that's when you find out who your real friends are. About 18 months ago I was in a tough spot and my boy Jay was there for me without me even having to ask and he's continued to do the same now. No I can't give individual thank yous to everyone who helps in some way, I just wanna point out that not all hope is lost and I did guess correctly when this started.
Seems like the best time for writing is after Lovin' Cup Idol. I'm already in work mode with my camera so I try to keep that mentality and write this out for all y'all. B-T-Dubs you should get pumped for the video I'm working on for the competition finale. If you can't be here March 24 then stay tuned to my Vimeo page later that week. Hopefully Dr. Bernstein does me a solid and waits until the 25th to start my treatment because this is going to be my best piece of video work to date. This is the first project since college where I get to produce, shoot and edit the whole thing. My favorite way to edit is when I also shoot the video because I can work the camera while thinking about what I can do with it in post production.
Like I said, test results and treatment schedule coming tomorrow. If you want to be on the list for all the latest news updates please send me your email address. Oh yeah, be sure like Top Shelf Productions on Facebook and follow me on Twitter.
#dropthemic
Praying for you Pat! I kind of know what you mean (a tiny bit) about how people can respond - we're adopting from foster care and there are always people who I think are more afraid of the hard parts for us or are worried they'll say the wrong thing because they don't know much about the subject so they say very little as opposed to just being encouraging which is what you feel you need most of the time. They are probably still hurting with you and thinking of you though. ~Sarah
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