You'd think I would be jumping up and down about being cancer free but I'm indifferent at best. I was told that's more normal that I'd think because we tend to prepare ourselves for the worse, so when the best case scenario comes around the news isn't AS great to hear you would think. Don't get me wrong I'm happy to be cancer free, but something about the whole situation just seems...off. Maybe that will all change on Friday when I meet with my oncologist and she gives me the plan for the next year or so.
So that's the good news, I can now say I've been cancer free for over 3 months. I use the day after my last radiation treatment has my first cancer free day. It's absolutely a relief knowing I won't have to be injected with 4 poison liquids, one of which I can literally feel going into me. And I won't have to get the terrible radiation that dried my mouth so badly it lead to an infection.
There are a few people who were happy enough for both of us to hear this news. Where my day all changes is when I had to go shooting my mouth off and ruin the moment. I'm not going to sit here and cry about it so you feel bad for me but like the title says, this is what I do. One day I'll learn to just shut up and accept the fact that once in a while I deserve something good in my life. It's just tough to do that when there is such a history of negatives and thinking I don't deserve anything different. One day.
Yay! Way to be cancer free!
ReplyDeleteYou don't "ruin" the day you find out you're cancer free - you live it. As yourself. Being cancer free doesn't make you somehow Mr. New and Wonderful - it just means you get to keep being yourself. Which is kind of what you wanted to do before the cancer came along. That's victory, my friend. Total, complete victory.
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